SPACEY

Blonde astronaut returns after fifty years in space and is filling out an application.

NAME:  Gloria Jones
DATE:  Yes
SEX:  Sometimes
          MALE_____FEMALE_____
EMAIL___________________  I'm sorry, but the world seems to have gotten really complicated since I was last here.

THE RUNAROUND

Are you going to have your tires rotated?
Blonde:  Nah.  They rotate enough when the car rolls.

JUST LIKE HER HAIR PROBABLY

Why did the blonde put her shredded wheat into the freezer? She wanted it frosted.

THE OPPONENT COULD BE ILL

Guy: Hey, Babe, check the TV and tell me who's winning the game.

Blonde: Some team named Scar.

Guy: Scar? That's South Carolina!

LIFE

(Part 1)

NASA employee to blonde astronaut, who happens to be roaming around a strange planet's cemetery: Any sign of life?

Blonde astronaut: No.

(Part 2)

Alien on another planet to comrade alien astronaut on earth in front of the World Wrestling Federation: Any sign of intelligent life?

Alien astronaut: No.

COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE--NOT!

Blonde at voting booth: I can't find the name of one of the candidates I'm voting for.

Booth worker: Who's that?

Blonde: Sally.

Booth worker: I don't know about a Sally . . .

Blonde's friend: See I told you, dummy! Those lawn signs said, "For Sale."

COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE(?)

Blonde at estate sale: I want this.

Sale worker: Ma'm, the sticker clearly says, "Sold."

Blonde: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it meant, "Somewhat old."

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES . . .

I was talking with a couple of blondes about the possible end of the world on December 21, 2012. One of them posed, "Well, we could celebrate Christmas a week early." The other blonde went, "Duh! There's no end of the world--the world is round!"

FOR REAL?

Department store placard: FAUX FUR COAT $39.95
Blonde: Hey, that's a great price for a fox fur!

WHAT WE HAVE HERE--IS--FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

Solicitor: Do you have an old cell phone you're not using?
Blonde: Why do you ask?
Solicitor: Soldiers.
Blonde: No, I didn't sell it. I still have mine.

LITTLE KNOWN CAJUN UTAH

Blonde: What's the nickname of that Bayou team?
Friend: You mean LSU?
Blonde: No.
Friend: Louisiana Tech?
Blonde: Un uh.
Friend: Maybe Mississippi State?
Blonde: No, Bayou--BYU.

WHO'S HEIMLICH?

After a blonde's boyfriend got a bone stuck in his throat and died, she was asked why she didn't help him. The girl explained, "I thought he said he was joking."

ADULT TERMINOLOGY

Hear about the blonde that thinks Silicon Valley is another term for cleavage?

THREESOME

First, they used to say that children should be seen, not heard. Well, this joke is better to be heard than read: Girlfriend: My boyfriend is taking me to Sin City!
Blonde: Cool! I have cousins in Ohio!

Next, what show follows an Atlanta Braves-Cleveland Indians baseball game? The Tent Inning.

Last one tonight: Who determines whether you should eat candy after it's fallen onto the carpet? The Food and Rug Administration.