MULTITASKING TV

A West Virginia farm family strikes oil, moves to California, and adopts two out-of-work former TV child-star boys. See LEAVE IT TO BEAVERLY HILLBILLIES.

THE OPPONENT COULD BE ILL

Guy: Hey, Babe, check the TV and tell me who's winning the game.

Blonde: Some team named Scar.

Guy: Scar? That's South Carolina!

PROBABLY SEMI-PRIVATE ROOMS

Mercy, Mercy Hospital guarantees to start treating your chest pain within five minutes of your arrival. And there are color TV's in both of our rooms!

NO PUN INTENDED(?)

TV anchor: Go to our website, where we'll be streaming info about the flood.

NO DEAD AIR ANYWAY

Reporter: We're live from the site of the plane crash, where it has been determined by officials that there are no survivors.