WHO'S HEIMLICH?

After a blonde's boyfriend got a bone stuck in his throat and died, she was asked why she didn't help him. The girl explained, "I thought he said he was joking."

BREAKING TRAINING

Our physical trainer saw me with quite a bit of food in my hands. "Not lunch--lunge!" she yelled.

"Didn't you e-mail me about plates?" I reminded her.

"Not plates!" she moaned. "Pilates!"