MAURY POVICH??

Mean Jewish kid:  God is not Jesus's father, but Santa Claus is yours!

THE KID MADE AN "A"--INSTEAD OF AN "O"

Tiepoes again:  One youngster:  You Mormons think hardships are good for you.
The other youngster:  The teacher wrote that hardships make us stranger.

IT'S ALL ABOUT POSITION

Teacher:  Class, what's wrong with this sentence:  I think you're great; so where do you want to do it at?
Student:  You ended the sentence with a preposition.
Teacher:  What should you say?
Student:  I think you're great; so where do you want to do it, your place or mine?
Another student:  You're still ending the sentence in a proposition!

NO NEWS IS . . .

Here's another true observation.  I commented to my wife, "There was a baseball no-hitter today."

"You said there was or there wasn't?" she inquired.  Isn't that like asking, "Did you say there was an earthquake today or there wasn't?"

IT'S A JUNGLE IN THERE

Where did the young male zebras go to party?  The stripe club.

PLAYERS TO BE NAMED LATER

St. Louis Cardinals fan:  We have three prospects on our current Major League roster!
Chicago Cubs fan:  So what?--we have twenty-five!

AFTER FATHER REVIEW . . .

Four officials with heads under black hoods as they check a replay.

Dad:  See, Son, aren't live sports better than those video games?