PLAYERS TO BE NAMED LATER

St. Louis Cardinals fan:  We have three prospects on our current Major League roster!
Chicago Cubs fan:  So what?--we have twenty-five!

AFTER FATHER REVIEW . . .

Four officials with heads under black hoods as they check a replay.

Dad:  See, Son, aren't live sports better than those video games?

SPACEY

Blonde astronaut returns after fifty years in space and is filling out an application.

NAME:  Gloria Jones
DATE:  Yes
SEX:  Sometimes
          MALE_____FEMALE_____
EMAIL___________________  I'm sorry, but the world seems to have gotten really complicated since I was last here.

NOT SO GAY

Interviewer:  What do you think about same-sex marriages?
Lady:  We have a same-sex marriage.
Interviewer:  You're married to a woman?
Lady:  No!  Our sex is the same every time.

THE RUNAROUND

Are you going to have your tires rotated?
Blonde:  Nah.  They rotate enough when the car rolls.

UNFAIR MAIDEN

Why did Heather always make better marks than Kevin?  The teacher graded on the curves.

DIAGNOSIS: NERVOUS

Why did the psychiatrist put a patient into an electric chair and lead a lion into the office?  He was giving a Roar-Shock test.