THE RUNAROUND

Are you going to have your tires rotated?
Blonde:  Nah.  They rotate enough when the car rolls.

UNFAIR MAIDEN

Why did Heather always make better marks than Kevin?  The teacher graded on the curves.

DIAGNOSIS: NERVOUS

Why did the psychiatrist put a patient into an electric chair and lead a lion into the office?  He was giving a Roar-Shock test.

HAIRY SITUATION

Hear about the basketball player who shoved his armpit into an opponent's face?  He got called for a fragrant foul--or was it a foul fragrance?

HOUSEHOLD NAME?

ELECT
Abdullah Maharishi Hasseintauvga Barromichka

Friend:  How much did those signs set you back?
Abdullah:  Almost a million dollars, but I used John Hancock Signature Bottom Lines, and they're the best around.
Friend:  I think you're paying for the name.

Shazam!

When NCAA college basketball seeds 8, Kentucky, and 7, Connecticut, made the championship game, my headline was Gomer Pyle's "Surprise, surprise!"

HELLO!

Make the most of your business phone hellos.  Examples:  "Acme Horse Feed Supply--hey"; "Woody's Tree Branch Cutters--hi".