MUST HAVE BEEN BAD SPORTS PRONOUNCERS

Father:  Can you name the positions on a basketball team?
Son:  Uh, huh--there's two gods, a sinner, and two frauds.

HAIRY SITUATION

Hear about the basketball player who shoved his armpit into an opponent's face?  He got called for a fragrant foul--or was it a foul fragrance?

Shazam!

When NCAA college basketball seeds 8, Kentucky, and 7, Connecticut, made the championship game, my headline was Gomer Pyle's "Surprise, surprise!"

REBOUND ASSIST?

Blonde: How did you do in the basketball game last night?

Boyfriend: Eighteen points, seven rebounds.

Blonde: How can you get point seven of a rebound?

NEW SLOGAN

During the national basketball finals between Dallas and Miami, do you think the sentiment was, "If you can't stand the Heat, root for the Mavericks."?

MARGE MADNESS

A little girl wanted to shoot the basketball. "No, you're too young for that," her uncle asserted.

"I want to shoot the basketball!" the girl went on.

"Marjorie, I said you're too short," the uncle argued.

"I want to shoot the basketball!!" the kid yelled.

"But you're a gir . . .," her uncle tried to plead as she interrupted.

"I said I . . .," she went on as if possessed.

"Ok, here," allowed her uncle. Standing almost under the basket and with her best heave, the niece hurled the ball straight enough but just under the rim. At that point Margorie's father walked into the gymnasium.

"You didn't let her shoot the basketball, did you, Eddie?" the father said to his brother.

"Nothin' but net," the uncle hedged.

WON AND DONE (HEADLIE)

NCAA SANCTIONS WREAK HAVOC WITH BASKETBALL TOURNEY

Final Four moved up to this weekend with BYU, St. Mary's, Notre Dame, and Holy Cross