HUH?

If someone cuts out coupons, does he still use them? If they fixed the elections in Florida, is that a good thing? When someone says, "I'm sure . . . ," you can bet he's not sure. When you hear, "No problem," isn't it often true that there was a problem? You go to customer service and complain. After fifteen minutes of haggling, the counter person finishes with, "No problem." Huh?

SURE THING II

A couple thought it was buying a ride to the airport. They never got there, just like so many passengers before. See DEATH IN TAXIS.

SURE THING

Two Things Certain: BETH & TAXES. Beth Jones, CPA.

IT'S A DEAL!

For the best prices on Barbies, Bratzes, etc., come to Doll Tree.

P.S.: Many moons ago I came up with some silly fake commercials. One of them was, "Get a free Cadillac when you buy one at regular price." Within the last few months, I've heard real commercials about offering two cars for the price of one. Truth again is stranger . . .

WHAT'S SHOWING?

What's the purpose of swimsuit fashion shows? To see what they're not wearing this year.

BODY PARTS

Mother: Ok, baby, what is this?
Toddler: Ear.
Mother: Good. And this?
Toddler: Ee.
Mother: No, it's called an eye.
Infant: Well, ears hear; so ees see!

NEW ORGANIZATION

Here's personal trainer Sonya demonstrating how to stay healthy. A message from The American Lunge Association.

BREAKING TRAINING

Our physical trainer saw me with quite a bit of food in my hands. "Not lunch--lunge!" she yelled.

"Didn't you e-mail me about plates?" I reminded her.

"Not plates!" she moaned. "Pilates!"

BARBER SHOP

If you need a name for the new barber shop or salon you're opening, how about HAIRCUTE? Oh, well, you get what you pay for--at least you used to.

GRIN AND BEAR

What do you call those that care for black and white Chinese bears? Panda handlers.

HEAD SANITIZER

From the makers of Comet, a product that cleans, disinfects, conditions, styles, and holds your hair! Try new Comb-It!

YOUR SINGING CAT

Now you and your cat can sing together! Send no money now! In fact, send no money ever. Nevertheless, if your cat is quite vocal, it will sing with you in no time at all. The song? Why,
"Take Me out to the Ballgame." You'll do most of the singing, but after "take," pet or otherwise silently encourage your cat to vocalize. Thus, you'll have, "Take"
"Meow"
"To the ballgame. Take"
"Meow"
"To the crowd. Buy me some peanuts and . . ."
Your friends and family will be amazed! Not? Uh, you get what you pay for.

THREESOME

First, they used to say that children should be seen, not heard. Well, this joke is better to be heard than read: Girlfriend: My boyfriend is taking me to Sin City!
Blonde: Cool! I have cousins in Ohio!

Next, what show follows an Atlanta Braves-Cleveland Indians baseball game? The Tent Inning.

Last one tonight: Who determines whether you should eat candy after it's fallen onto the carpet? The Food and Rug Administration.

SIN

What is a sin, in my humorous sense, that is? A sin is a sign with letters missing. Oh, I've created many, but here's one from our neighborhood (name changed): ACME ANIMAL HOSPITAL now reads ACME ANI AL HOS. I surely hope that "I" doesn't fall off!

HEADLIE/TIEPOE

You can imagine what a headlie is--a fake headline. A tiepoe is a misspelling or similar problem. All are designed, of course, to be humorous; and, as you probably have noticed, not all are fabricated! One of my combo headlie/tiepoe examples is the following: CARDINAL BENEDICT BECOMES POP. Here's a tiepoe that could be a company wrecker: law firm motto, "We help injure people." Moreover, the title of this blog involves a tiepoe. We apologize for any inconvenience the missing apostrophe may have caused.