SOULFUL STYLE

Hear about the African-American barber shop quartet? They call themselves "Tune Fro."

THE GREATEST SMOKEOUT (HEADLIE)

SMOKING BEING PHASED OUT

New law requires tobacco purchasers to be under 18 years of age

WON AND DONE (HEADLIE)

NCAA SANCTIONS WREAK HAVOC WITH BASKETBALL TOURNEY

Final Four moved up to this weekend with BYU, St. Mary's, Notre Dame, and Holy Cross

LUNAR LUNCH

Have you heard that they found a restaurant on the moon? Great food, not much atmosphere, of course.

DIVERSIFY!

Well, if TIME magazine wants to diversify, here are some possibilities: For cravat cravers/clothes horses, I present for your edification TIE magazine. For Asians and spicy food lovers, how about THAI magazine? Continuing with that spice theme, there could be THYME magazine. Or not.

REPENT AND BE SHAVED

Picture it: an old man with a long, long, long white beard. As he enters, we keep looking at his beard dragging the floor and still trailing outside the door. How long is that thing? Oh, well, not to worry too much. The sandaled, white-robed gentleman's sign informs us, of course, "The End Is Near!"

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

(At a buffet) Employee: Ma'm, the sign clearly states that children under ten must be accompanied by an adult to the food bars.
Mother: Oh, my son can't really read yet.